one by one, they slip away

i'm backk. from msia, KL.
i must say this's the best holiday i ever had.
not that it's fantastic. but as compared to the previous few trips i had, this's not bad.
went with a family from my old church(orchard presbyterian).

come to think of it, i kind of miss the place.
after all, i've been there since i was a baby.
my friends there have alr re-dedicated.
me?
just starting out on a new journey.
have i made the right choice?
i really wonder.
yes yes, i know i know, i shouldn't be thinking like that alr.

no matter what, i really do miss the happenings there.
i was part of them.
no matter how you deny it, i was part of them.
i don't feel the same way now, at this new place.
i don't, i really don't.
there's just this something missing.

every sunday, without fail 1030, we'll have to leave the house for sunday school.
we'll be seated according to out age.
this group of us, we've been tgt since our mothers brought us into 幼儿班.
even if we didn't talk, we've been seeing each other for most of our lives.
praise and worship starts.
then mundane sunday school classes.
joyce and sharon, we'll never fail to make the classes interesting.
5 minutes before lessons end, we'll be looking at our watches, ready to rush down to the canteen to get our 2 dollars packet of food.
off for choir practice!
uncle peter and aunty mary (:
and then, 团契!
sec1 and 2! went crazy over this guy. the things i do.
joyce and sharon will tell you how stupid i was.
well, they joined in too. hahaha.
every year, there'll be caroling!
there's this one year, we went to the house of this manager of a bank.
coolness. the house's just HUGE. with 5 sitting rooms, blah. and that's just the first floor.
our pastors wear robes, and us choir ppl, have our 'robes' too.
ah yes, i miss wearing it! and we'll all help each other zip up the loong zip at the back.

i miss my friends.
aha. which reminds me, high time i should go back to visit.
who knows. i might just end up staying there.
then again, i can't deny the fact that i grow more spritually in my new place.
but.. like what someone said.. "i'm sick of putting on a mask and pretending i'm really happy."
i'd once thought the place is simple, ppl full of love for one another.
but no. it's not like that.
it's, complicated.
i don't want to go into that world.
it's, sickening.
i don't like it.
it's all over, once again like the way the band is constructed.
politics? is it this word?
at least i've 3 ppl whom i can trust in there.
well, they made the place more bearable.
but.. it's not the ppl i'm going there for!
why should i be living up to their expectations?
why?
WHY?
seriously, i feel fake sometimes.
how to be true to yourself and live up to you ppl's expectations at the same time?!
both are going in different directions!
damn.
anyone understand what i'm trying to say?
the entire purpose in doing all these things are getting so damn wrong.
so very wrong.
oh heck.
close an eye, i shall.

ah yes.
my KL trip.
guess whose family i went with?
the guy i crushed in sec1.
haha.
looking at him now, i wonder what got over me.
i finally talked to him, normally, with eye contact after like 2-3 years.
nice smile, he has.
nice to talk to too.
aha. had fun there la.
sunway lagoon, the water park, went on to these 2 rides like so many times. and stood under the bucket screaming waiting for the water to land on you.
got closer to my sisters too.
ahha.
wonder when will i get to talk to him again.

ayye. yes. one by one, they slip away.
looking back, a joke, it would all be.
just let it be, let it fade away.
yeah, that's what i'm doing.
there's simply nothing i can expect out of it. yes?
sigh.
dear you.
what's wrong with me?
hm.
good question.

forget it, go to sleep, yiling.