Nat. I love the girl. I love talking to her. Thank goodness I still have her around in cj. (:
Dreams, what dreams do I have?
It hurts yo. Sigh.
I need, I want, I miss, I love, I.. I! Sigh. Rubbish.
Maybe it's best not to talk at all.
Nattttttttt!
I'm going through the exact same thing that I experienced during the O level period. Or worse, it's a battle everyday though I look like I don't care. Wayne doesn't seem to get it. The stress, the anxiety. I am going to chibabom soon. Let me repeat this, thank goodness Nat's around. Or I would have chibabom-ed already.
My youngest sister can be a devil, can be an angel. The one in Sec2 too. I love lazing around in their room, soaking up the chinese songs they listen to. (Though I can't recognise almost all of the songs) Their fan will be at full blast, goodness know why. Chatting with them realeases my stress. 933Fm is on almost 24/7, as long as they are at home. I get free massages too. It really touches me when they really go all out to try to help me when I get into a situation. Yeah, when I totally run out of cash. I remember my youngest sister trying so hard to shake out all the coins in her piggy bank, cupping them in her hands, offering them to me. I don't know whether to cry or to laugh. And the one in Sec2 staying up till 1am just to pass me money for my cab fare. It really freaks me out when I see a part of me in them. Especially when it's the bad character traits. One thing, both of them are soo thin. Haha, I really do wish they would call me "jie" one day, it'll really be nice. Instead of calling me by my name. No matter what, I thank God for giving me sisters like them.
Hm. It has been a long time since I stopped to appreciate the people around me all the time, whom I had taken granted for.
Haha, now I hear the youngest one whining about the tons of homework my mother is loading her with. Those were the days..
My arms are aching like crazy. I might not be able to lift up a pen tomorrow. (Okay, kidding) I can feel the muscles. But I'm so not losing weight :[ There's heats for Games day today, ALL the girls had events, except 4 of us. Mr Edmund/ Esmund(whatever his name is) said to someone, "Even those who can't run went.." Wth.
5 GP essays, Goodier's nuts. PI due, AGAIN. Look at all my tests. Seriously, I need to be grounded.
Have I mentioned that I hate money? (understatement)
Class Tshirt that costs 30 bucks?! Which reminds me, it's not even a class t shirt, it's just a plain adidas jersey with nothing on it.With prints, it's 40 bucks. Thanks ah, since when have I bought such things. Crazy, what's the point of it?! When we are going to wear it for ONE day only? Damn it, the more I think of it, the more stupid I feel for paying for it. Bloody hell. I am stupid. Donation booklet, 10 bucks which we have to pay ourselves. Notes that cost a bomb, paying so much every other week?! Handphone bill, my father refuse to pay for me unless I pay him the amount I exceeded, which is like ALOT. Alright, cut off my line, I'll remain uncontactable from the rest of the world. My mother, hounding me for the money I owe her?! Oh, nat. And I owe 2 people who tried to help me. Ah, thank you. And, building fund. Hang me please. HANG ME!
It is during these period of times where I feel utterly helpless and alone. Where is God? Where?! Must I be the only one facing all this alone? Ah yes, people are not to be depended on. Anyway, I have to face it myself. Come on, I can't be accpeting help from people out there. Especially when the 2 adults in the house can't seem to understand and continues hounding me for money(LIKE WHAT FOR?!). Where am I supposed to get the money from? How I wish I'm a golden hen which lays golden eggs huh. And I remember getting scolded on the damn MRT for telling someone about all this stuff. Can I say no one seem to understand? No one will want to listen anyway. So if you're reading this and you're getting irritated, too bad, no one asked you to read this. And get it in your head, I can't go to my father asking for money like that. I can't. How I wish I can. My mother? Forget it. WHERE AM I GOING TO GET ALL THE MONEY?! WHAT THE HELL AM I TO DO?!
Sorry, I'm feeling kind of angsty.
No matter what, SMILE. Gosh. Suffocating. Suffocating me.
Hey hey, you you, I want to be your girlfriend! (:
Hey! Hey! You! You! I don’t like your girlfriend(s)! No way! No way! I think you need a new one Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend
Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me No way! No way! No it’s not a secret Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your girlfriend
You’re so fine I want you mine You’re so delicious I think about ya all the time You’re so addictive Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright? Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious And Hell Yeah I’m the motherfucking princess I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right
She’s like so whatever You could do so much better I think we should get together now And that’s what everyone’s talking about!
Hey! Hey! You! You! I don’t like your girlfriend(s)! No way! No way! I think you need a new one Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend
Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me No way! No way! No it’s not a secret Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your girlfriend
I can see the way, I see the way you look at me And even when you look away I know you think of me I know you talk about me all the time again and again So come over here, tell me what I want to hear Better yet make your girlfriend disappear I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again (And again and again and again!)
She’s like so whatever You could do so much better I think we should get together now And that’s what everyone’s talking about!
Hey! Hey! You! You! I don’t like your girlfriend(s)! No way! No way! I think you need a new one Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend
Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me No way! No way! No it’s not a secret Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your girlfriend
In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger Cause I can, cause I can do it better There’s no other So when's it gonna sink in? She’s so stupid What the hell were you thinking?!
Okay, now I'm being particular over every single strand of hair I see on the floor, after I've painstakingly vacuumed the entire house. It doesn't help at all when there are 4women and 1man in the house. Really, doing housework's worse than training, anytime.
To know the heart of your leader? Not only your leader, but everyone who's placed above me in my life. Especially my parents. All for my own good. Ah well. At the age of 17, the rebellious streak in me still seem to be overpowering. Ah, 17.
Yes, we'll never get weary if we have a relationship with God, it all boils down to that, yeah?
And just as I finished typing, I see 5 more strands of hair on the keyboard. /:
Ah yes, Melody Lee. During GP, Lauren: What are the functions of the mass media? Melody: Maths. (Functions is a topic in our maths syllabus) Okay, Joanna and I burst out laughing while the entire class was dilligently at work. I wonder when will Mr Goodier(fresh from New Zealand) will lose that smile of his. Patience running low eh. Haha.
Fancy saying I'm suffocating you. I was so depressed for 2 whole days, you. And then you tell me it's all a JOKE. I'm sure.
Okay, I just deleted an entire post about someone, some people. It's just not right to bitch about people yeah? Man, talk about it.
Sometimes I really wonder why should I care about other people. Oh yeah, I do know the model answer to my question. I must say, the worst feeling ever is to be hurt by people. The heartache, the disappointment. Despite all that, still having to remain strong. And why can people hurt you? Well, simply because it is someone you care about. But what use is there to stay detached from a relationship? I do long for friends I can depend on, friends who will be there for me, no doubt about it. Do I have the right to protect the heart from all these? Most of the time, the person I care about won't even know that.. know that he/she had done something that caused yet another brick to be cemented around the heart. And yes, I'm afraid, afraid that people, people just disappear from my life. It's just too much to bear. In the end, all I have to do is lift all of the hurts up to Him and receive the strength to move on? Is that all? Sigh, understand?
One wrong move, it will really mess up everything. Must it be like that? 520.
MELODY LEE, YOU! You are so not going to remain like this forever. I'll go all out to help you even at the expense of you getting freakin irritated at me man.
Ah well, sorry to the seniors Daniel and Nathaniel..
Eee, what am I doing to myself again. Yeah, what hurts the most, was being so close. (or did I imagine it?) From the way I see it, I'm walking back into it again. Are things going to repeat itself? I hope not. What's the point? What's the point of this kind of relationship anyway? Why the hell am I "attracted" to you anyway. Eeee.
I burnt my fingers trying to dig burnt chocolate out of the bowl. Please people, don't eat fondue. Unless you want the life of us washing like crazy. It's so expensive and the chocolate's cheap skate anyway. Do you know how much parts of the entire creation we have to wash?!
Haha, okay, enough complaining. The weird thing is I really love working at Hagen daz. I love school. I love church. And all because everywhere there are wonderful people around me. :D
But again, the problem's at home. Ah well.
The movie "The freedom writers" is really nice. People, go catch it. Wayne's really nice to send me home too. Singing at Kbox's really fun. Fancy us dancing like retards on the sofa. Melody and Shirleen. ((: Joanna just has to find her boyfriend. Pfffft. Joanna! I plucked off my nails again, I was too stressed up washing all the dishes.
Hahaha. I can't wait to see Miss Melody and Shirleen and Joanna tomorrow. Say the word "Fugly" and see what they'll do. And Miss Joanna laughing at my LIBERATED-TED. Ah. The smiles of it all. (:
Way back into love I've been living with a shadow overhead I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed I've been lonely for so long Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away Just in case I ever need em again someday I've been setting aside time To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine I've been searching but I just don't see the signs I know that it's out there There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart again I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love I can't make it through without a way back into love And if I open my heart to you I'm hoping you'll show me what to do And if you help me to start again You know that I'll be there for you in the end
/And if I open my heart again, I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end.
Piong's drawing of Oprah Winfrey. HAHHAHAHA. 