SHIRLEEN!

i wanna love you, you already know

Insanity.
I'm confused.
It's not supposed to be like that.
I'm sinking deeper into it.
The feelings are getting out of control.
Damn it, stay detached!
No I can't!
Sigh, what is this.
To follow the heart, can I?
Am I allowed?
I'm going to get hurt again.
People are going to leave. Again.
This time, away away away.
I want a hug.
Ah Shirleen, save me.

my comforter

I surrendered it all to the Lord.
And He took the pain and tears away.
It is the most amazing thing ever.
In a split second, the pain dissolved, the tears dried up.
Here I stand, made whole again.

natural high

I'm on the natural high today. Yes, Shir, Meow, Anna? (:
(Joanna don't kill me)
I love laughing, it makes me feel so happy both on the inside and outside.
It relaxes all the facial tension.
It relieves all the stress built up inside.
GP was fine I guess.
My youngest sister's watching some cartoon, JayJay the plane.
The songs are so cuteeeee.
Melissa, Pearlyn! Lets sing Spongebob Squarepants "Friends" again!
Oooo, how I love that song.
VJ concert, or Cell group?
Ah. Decisions, decisions.
Actually, I realise I don't have to bother so much about meaningless questions;
How much I mattered, How much I know about a person blah blah blah.
After all, look at the friendship I have between people like Melissa Pearlyn Nat Xinru.. it took YEARS before how it has become as of today.
I'll just be the best I can as a friend!
AHHHHHHH. VJ concert or Cell group?!
MELISSA PEARLYN I WANT TO SEE YOU!!!!!
Damn it.
History tomorrow, argh.
Anyhow, I shall call Shirleen to laugh again later, at the same time, to wake her up from her slumber.

study day

Truman Doctrine, Marshall Plan, Cominform, Comecon?
Ah, maybe I should try a new method of studying;
Put all the notes under my pillow and let all the words diffuse into my brain.
Hahaha, I'm laughing at myself.
Shirleen, don't laugh at me :D
Anyway Shirleen, our silly little 'wishes' won't come true, we know that.
Your sweetest desire, my unattainable wish.
Ehhhh, what rubbish.
I'm in a mood to talk crap.
Shir, I shall fly to bedok to sleep on your rock bed again.
Why am I talking so much about Shirleen.
Haha, Bay of Pigs, Operation Mongoose. [:
I fell asleep twice while studying, how very productive.
Mass Media, Education?
Haiyer.
I want to play mahjong.
My mother thinks that I'll sink into depression one day.
Oh yes! My 2.4 timing improved! ((:
Many thanks to Evadne for running with me!
14.06 to 12.35, WOOHOO!
:D
Korean war, Kim II Sung, Cuban Missile Crisis, Atomic monopoly.
Woohoo, I feel the sudden urge to study.
Hahaha, Joanna! Abit high only ah!
This is so lame. I shall stalk Mr Ho to the beach next week.
AH RUBBISH.
I'M GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER.
Study lah, gosh.

pictures

At Mad Jacks after Sports Carnival!
See that guy there right in front? Haha. That's him.

Us and our senior class!
One of the favourites!
Another one of the favourites! :D
Haha, Lauren! (Nono, she's not the one I always talk about in my blog!)
7 of us in Mr Li's car!

At Ben&Jerry's!

This is what both of them always do to me

Ayye, Mr Li!

(:

Cheese!

Ayye, the class!

I love them so! (:

take it away...

I found myself back where it all started.
I found myself having the same thoughts as yesterday.
Everything's going around in circles.
Everything's the same as yesterday.
Crying out loud, take this love away.
Nothing changed, just found the right words to fit into this so called love.
After so long, so long..
What more can I do?
Each time, I find myself unable to move.
It's like colliding into a wall, no more, nothing further than that, you seem to say.
After so long, so long..

Lord, take this love away.
Lord, all I want to do is to love You, everything else is secondary.
Lord, help me, help me get things right.

Behind the facade, a person so ordinary.
That is what makes me want to continue loving you.

at the age of forty seven

It's scary to see;
My father in that state,
My mother, helpless.
It can't go on.
Me being the eldest, I can't be oblivious..

Thinking about it, the least I can do is to show more concern for my family, and of course, do well in my studies.
I need my Saturdays to spend time with the family.
That's the only time the family can go out together.

Seeing my father in that state, I really understand the gravity of it all.
Sigh.
He's asleep at the dining table in the kitchen.
Both my mother and I don't have the strength to carry him to the bedroom.
Help.

On a different note, I feel like screaming.
There are so much things fighting for my attention.
While some just creep into my consciousness.
Like, my exams next thursday and friday, and here I am at an unearthly hour, BLOGGING.
And talking to Shir. (:

Tonight's so.. weird.
I was thinking about it, that liking, it's.. different.
It's not the heart-thumping-go-crazy kind of thing I get in P6(haha).
Instead, it's the natural slow moving kind.

OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT MAKING ANY SENSE.
I'M OFF TO SLEEP.
GOODNESS ME.

getting things right

You know, I have so much things to say to you but the words just get stuck in my throat.
Good, bad?
Self control I guess.
After all, it has been so long, what difference does it make?
Friends ask me, why not? Well, there are some things that can't be said to a particular person after the many stuff that had happened.
It just happens to apply to this particular person.
Sigh.
Spent a good afternoon thinking about it, finally came to a conclusion that it will all just fade away, I hope.
I really can't deny the feelings as I look into your eye, I can't.
So don't ever ask me that question, or give me one of those talks I hate hearing.
Unless you want me to lie straight in your face, which I'm capable of.
Listened to Jesse McCartney's 'Just so you know' over and over again, the song just speaks of it all. At least I will never let the the feeling take control of me, I think?
Come to think of it, you must be an idiot if you don't know. Well, which is highly unlikely. Commendable I must say (since guys are natural egoistic creatures) how the line is drawn.
Ah, generalizing, I know.
Let things be I guess, what more can I expect.
I like things this way, anyway. (Haha, do I have a choice?)
Ayye, till then.

My fever’s back again, my nose’s totally stuck, my lips are cracking, the throat hurts. . The mother thinks that I’m lazy and gives me a thrashing down at 6am in the morning. What an unearthly hour.
I doubt I have the energy to climb out of bed tomorrow morning.
The body is still aching like nobody’s business.

Read this in my daily devotional: When I am sick, I know that my schedule is out of control, Satan is on the warpath, or God is requiring me to rest. We all deal with illness, but God’s expectation for us is to do everything reasonable to avoid poor health. We need to be careful of our motivation. Satan loves us to be in bondage of poor health and delights in the yoke of excessive fretting over the physical body. Ask God for guidance in dealing with both.

Isn’t that what my mother has been repeatedly telling me every single day when I reach home? My schedule is out of control, rest! You need more rest! And importantly, I need to be careful of my motivation.

Ah, how hard is it to put everything aside and to seek Him?

just so you know;

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let her win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before you go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here.. been waiting here

This song, this song.. it says it all..

1T08

Wo ho! Just want to blog about school today.
Amazingly, school's getting better.

Haha, Joanna's really making me laugh alot.
Poor Leonard, HAHA, right.
It used to be me 'attacking' him, now it's dear Joanna.

Joanna:
"So do you have a problem with me being hardworking?"
"Leonard, SHHHH!"

I realise the class gets really happy when any of our results are higher than Leonard's.
It's kind of natural for the class to react in such a manner I guess.
Since his actions seriously pisses people off.
Shall not go into that anyway.

On the right hand side of me, Melody and Lauren will be on their endless 'bickering'.
Lauren being lauren, shooting at Melody every single minute of the day.
When I get bored of the teacher and listen to them, it seriously makes me laugh.
Well well, I do miss telling Lauren about you-know-who and listening to her ridiculous but constructive comments.

OH! Student Development lesson early in the morning at 8.
Guess what the lesson was on, ha.
Anger Management.
All of us were given this sheet of paper with different columns for us to fill up.
What causes me to feel angry with: My friends, My family members, The people on public transport, The people I encounter when I go out shopping/watch a movie.
Halfway through while the class was sharing with Mrs Leong, Kian How turned around and said, "Eh Yiling, I bet you got alot of things to write."
Haha, of course, I had LOADS of things to write.
Seems like some of my classmates knows that I get pissed off often, especially when I'm getting real stressed up.
But hey, at least I'm changing now alright. Heh.

Ah yes, it really makes you happy when someone praises you eh!
Mr Goodier was trying to help our group through a discussion and I said something and he was real happy about it.
Haha, sounds stupid eh.
Those small little things count know!

BEN! HAHA, he was really nice today.
As you know, the weather has been real hot to bear.
I was walking around the level in my slippers.
During maths lesson, to the toilet, goodness knows why I kicked into the air and off came my slipper and it dropped on top of the roof of the 3rd level.
Haha, it's weird.. dropping to the top.. OKAY.
Back to the point, Ben was there and he helped me retrieve my slipper.
He climbed on top of it while all of us were like, "Ben, please don't die.."
Ha, thanks Ben.
To think that he used to hate the four of us.
Ayye.

NAPFA today too!
Damn it, standing broad jump spoil my beautiful record.
Haha oh well.
Ms Chong's real cute, only 2 years older than us, she was trying to teach us to save the environment by not using those plastic disposable cups.

And after PE, Shirleen's off to meet CorCor, again.
Ayye, poor girl, feelings she can never profess to the person that really matters.
Come to think of it, it's like that for me too.
Well, at least I don't have to lie to anyone..
Melody ah, she is one of those people that really intrigues me to know her more.
I like listening to her talk eh.
Melody eh, don't worry about your face!

Hey hey, 1T08 rocks, I love my friends!
And have I mentioned that I do love JC life, I love it more than Primary or Secondary.
Even though it does stress me out, it's much better than those years before! :D

At the end of the day,
When it all comes down to it,
All we really want is to be close to somebody.

So this thing where we all keep our distances,
And pretend not to care about each other,
It's usually a load of bull.

We pick and choose who we want to remain close to,
And once we've chosen those people,
We tend to stick close by.

No matter how much we hurt them,
The people that are still with you at the end of the day,
Those are the ones worth keeping.

And sure, at times, close can be too close.
But sometimes,
That invasion of personal space,
It can be exactly what you need.

.

.

You know what, I really don't know what to do.
I really don't.
Go on, go on, do what you people do best.
Suck every single ounce of energy left in me.
It's getting very tired to even breathe.
I'm hitting the ground before you count to three.
You, where are you?
No, it's me myself and I that I've got.
What? What do all of you want from me?
You, please be there for me.

fat

Sleeping in till 12pm rocks.
Packing my room rocks.
Doing my homework rocks!
Staying at home in the comfort of my room the whole day rocks!
Haha, can't believe I feel this way.
It has been ages since I could hibernate in my room.
Tada.

Yesterday, this colleague of mine came back to find his girlfriend.
He was previously working at Bishan but got transferred to Centrepoint.
I was peacefully, happily, hungrily eating my dinner in the kitchen,
He popped his head in, and stared at me for.. quite a few seconds.
After that few seconds, while I continued munching on my dinner, he exclaimed,
"Oh my gosh! You grew fatter! I almost couldn't recognise you!", in chinese.
OH MY GOODNESS.
I almost threw a tray at him.
I almost threw my unagi rice burger at him.
I almost threw the mop at him.
Like I said, almost.
Haha, too bad his girlfriend is my manager.
Oh well, I forgive you. (:

Haha, Melissa, she still sounds the same.
Pearlyn too.
My dear friends. (: